Thursday, January 13, 2011

Failing at filing

Things that are in my "Manuals and Warranties" folder in the filing cabinet:
-the warranty card for a TV/VCR combo I no longer own
-the manual for the ice-cream maker Matt insisted we register for
-instructions on hooking up the printer we got rid of two years ago
-the manual that came with the fan we bought last summer

That last one should tell you how obsessed and careful I am about keeping instruction manuals. You never know when you're going to forget how to PLUG IN A FAN. (Or, as the manual calls it, a "power air circulator.") And that's why this next one is so frustrating...

Thing that is not in my "Manuals and Warranties" folder:
-the manual that came with Lindsey's car seat

You know, only the more important, potentially life-saving piece of baby gear we own. The one that has about a million ways to install it incorrectly. The one that we'll need to take out and re-install facing forwards in a couple months. Grrrr. Why did you leave me when I needed you most, Filing Skills??

But on the bright side, if anybody wants to make dust-flavored ice cream, well... I'm your girl.

Friday, January 7, 2011

Somebody grab that scarf I dropped, please

So we meet again, Coat.

First things first: you have read Why I’ll Never Be an Adult, correct? If not, go read it! (And then read everything else on Allie’s site, too, just promise me you’ll come back here eventually. Unless you can’t because you are DEAD FROM LAUGHING, which is a real possibility.)

Anyway, in the spirit of that “I’m not really an adult” post, I thought it’d be fun to share one of my little adulthood barriers. Here it is:

I cannot put on a coat like a grown-up.

You know that move where you pick up your coat, then put it on by swishing it around you like a cape? I love that move. I am entranced by it. It’s so graceful, so sophisticated. THAT is how an adult prepares for going out in the cold.

Yeah, I can’t do that.

It’s not for lack of examples... People do it all the time. Some people even get all fancy with it -- capping it off by flicking their hair out from under the coat’s collar, or swishing their coats on while walking out the door and holding a conversation. Show-offs.

I can’t always hear the conversations, but I imagine them going like this:

“So, my fellow grown-up,” (*swish*) “where should we have lunch today?”
“Well, friend, I would prefer a restaurant where we can discuss our stock portfolios while eating sensible meals that will definitely not include chicken fingers. It is great to be an adult, am I right?” (*swish, hair flick*)

Now, let’s compare that to my coat-donning technique. Have you ever seen a four-year-old boy try to put on a coat? Then you’ve seen me do it. This method involves sticking one arm through the sleeve, then helplessly flailing my other arm around behind me as I walk. The show gets even better when I’m carrying a few things, because then I have to switch my purse, grocery bags etc from one arm to the other as my halfway-on coat drags behind me. Bonus points if a glove falls out of my pocket during this process and I don’t realize it till I get to my car.

I am a moronic one-woman outerwear parade. But come join me anyway! We can go get chicken fingers!

What about you? What weird thing is standing between you and “real” adulthood?

Sunday, January 2, 2011

Steppin' Out

If anyone is in the market for funny stories and photos of the most adorable, doe-eyed toddler ever, may I recommend The Haps? It's one of my favorite blogs... Mandy shares little snippets of her life with two-year-old Harper, and manages to keep it both entertaining and family-friendly. Lots of writers can only manage one or the other.

My blog wants to be The Haps when it grows up. But until then, I'm joining Mandy's link party in a shameless, desperate attempt to be connected in some small way! She hosts Steppin' Out Saturdays, when readers are encouraged to share a photo of their efforts to step it up a notch, sartorially. So here's mine... a Christmas Eve shot of Lindsey and me!

And since this is what most people on Steppin' Out do, I'll list where our outfits are from: My sweater is from NY&Co, cardigan from Target, Lindsey's dress from Target. Oh- and Lindsey loooooved my necklace from Express... It kept her entertained during church that night.

And after.
"Oooh, shiny!!"

Aaaaand then she was done with it. That face cracks me up.
"That was five minutes ago, MOM."

So that was us, Steppin' Out... Matt looked very snazzy too, but you'll have to take my word for it. I hope you all had a great holiday season!

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