Friday, January 7, 2011

Somebody grab that scarf I dropped, please

So we meet again, Coat.

First things first: you have read Why I’ll Never Be an Adult, correct? If not, go read it! (And then read everything else on Allie’s site, too, just promise me you’ll come back here eventually. Unless you can’t because you are DEAD FROM LAUGHING, which is a real possibility.)

Anyway, in the spirit of that “I’m not really an adult” post, I thought it’d be fun to share one of my little adulthood barriers. Here it is:

I cannot put on a coat like a grown-up.

You know that move where you pick up your coat, then put it on by swishing it around you like a cape? I love that move. I am entranced by it. It’s so graceful, so sophisticated. THAT is how an adult prepares for going out in the cold.

Yeah, I can’t do that.

It’s not for lack of examples... People do it all the time. Some people even get all fancy with it -- capping it off by flicking their hair out from under the coat’s collar, or swishing their coats on while walking out the door and holding a conversation. Show-offs.

I can’t always hear the conversations, but I imagine them going like this:

“So, my fellow grown-up,” (*swish*) “where should we have lunch today?”
“Well, friend, I would prefer a restaurant where we can discuss our stock portfolios while eating sensible meals that will definitely not include chicken fingers. It is great to be an adult, am I right?” (*swish, hair flick*)

Now, let’s compare that to my coat-donning technique. Have you ever seen a four-year-old boy try to put on a coat? Then you’ve seen me do it. This method involves sticking one arm through the sleeve, then helplessly flailing my other arm around behind me as I walk. The show gets even better when I’m carrying a few things, because then I have to switch my purse, grocery bags etc from one arm to the other as my halfway-on coat drags behind me. Bonus points if a glove falls out of my pocket during this process and I don’t realize it till I get to my car.

I am a moronic one-woman outerwear parade. But come join me anyway! We can go get chicken fingers!

What about you? What weird thing is standing between you and “real” adulthood?


  1. I can get my coat on no problem. But I have one of those coats where the buttons are hidden in the lining and are a bitch to close. And then I have to buckle the belt around the waist which is a little tricky. My husband says he could learn how to sew and then create a new coat in the time it takes me to get mine on.

    That doesn't really answer your question. How bout this- I WILL NOT FLOSS.

  2. I'm still jealous of your coat skills, even if fastening takes a while! As for flossing, I'm with ya. I tend to floss the day before a dentist appt (like I'm going to trick him) and for a couple days afterwards, out of guilt.


Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...